eFaux Pas!

Ladies & Gentlemen,

I'd like to take a few moments and speak about the FAUX PAS of pre-dating "couples" - namely how a guy and a girl are introduced and how they choose to continue talking to each other BEFORE actually meeting in person.

Ever wonder why someone you may have been speaking to for 1-3 weeks straight suddenly goes MIA? Or rather, someone you had been intro'd to mysteriously disappears as soon as you discuss specifics or share deeper details? *alarm bells* FAUX PAS POLICE!

YOUUU have just demonstrated a great deal of what majority of women (and men) go through, given careless and improper communication approaches. And I salute you for it, as this blurb would be impossible without such feed from you all. Don't get me wrong... I heart you and I wish to pass along such wisdom (which I, too, will derive from personal experiences) to unsuspecting victims.

Here it is. What NOT to do when you are being blindly hooked up with someone - i.e. potential rishta(s):

NO FACEBOOK
People... No. No. No. No. No. No! Okay, maybe, yes. Here's the deal, if you're naturally very FB-wise, eSocially-aware and know how to manage your privacy and limitation settings to the utmost tee, by all means resort to this. But for a very large majority of hook-ups, this usually results in immense failure. Immense. HUGE. KATHEER ya3ni!

AND here's why: Your friends suck. They will do everything possible to defame your good name and ruin your reputation, so that no respectful employer will hire you and no decent human will want to befriend you.

Solution: CUSTOMIZE! Control what you want your potential to see. And this goes HEAVY for features like your Tagged Photos, Videos & Wall Posts. Not necessarily is EVERTYHING on your page PG-13, so show this person what you want them to see initially. We've all had that 8am Sunday wake-up call from "Cousin X" high-fiving you for that sweet hook-up from last night. There's way too many things wrong with that statement, but you get the jist of it. Point being, limit at first till they get to know you better, then slowly start opening up. Disclaimer: they're smart enough to know they're on limited.

NO MSN
Until you're legitimately a couple, please try and steer clear of the MSN's of the world. The last thing a man or woman wants to see is you logging on and not saying "Hello" or posting a flower emoticon in their window. Avoid this so you guys can actually focus on getting to know each other rather than go paranoid everytime you see the blue screen pop up in the bottom right of your screen. Relax, there's plenty of time to get to know him/her. Call them or e-mail them. Make sure your activity (or inactivity) is unstalkable. Brrrap.

NO BBm
Oh ye of the new generation! Unless you're up to seeing your relationship with "Prospect X" fail, it is strongly recommended that you NOT add each other on BBm till once again, you're actually a legit couple.

Here's why: We're all slaves to the blinking red LED and don't you dare deny it! It comes as no surprise that BBm is SUPER stalker-friendly. Oh, if you think I'm not waiting for that "D" to turn into an "R," you're wrong, my love. I will sit in my basement, in the dark, clasping my BlackBerry tightly with the expanded contacts' window and wait for my messages to be read. Why haven't you responded back to me yet..? What could I have possibly done to be ignored?! Is someone there?! Oh GOD, please answer meee!!!

Please understand why I don't recommend this. *pulls out her Bold, stares & waits for LED*

Cheese!
I cannot stress this enough! But for the love of GOD, make sure you know what each of you look like if you have absolutely ZERO idea (no in-person encounter ever before)! I'm sure you have been hooked up by your chacha ki biwi ke bhai ki beti ke pardhosi ke rishtedaar* - so kindly request this fellow matchmaker to be the middleman/woman and pre-exchange these photos PRIOR to you 2 connecting. Yeah yeah yeah... "Looks don't matter.. It's what's inside that counts.. If he/she likes your personality, they will fall in love with the person despite the looks" blah blah bakwaas. Fact of the matter is, NO! If 2 people do NOT know each other and have been either talking via e-mail or phone for some time, they've already envisioned each other according to what they talk about or what they sound like. And when you exchange photos AFTER this connection, you're going to be a lil shocked either way - so please... Photos upfront, they'll appreciate it, too. Plus, what's worse than thinking everything is going great and then realizing this vain and pathetic excuse of a human decides to cut contact now that they've put a face to a name? NEXT.

DISCRETION**
Be very careful in what you tell the person. If they are the ones asking all the questions, not cool. If they want all the information, not cool. If they deflect your questions, NOT COOL. If they dress like Govinda, DEFINITELY NOT COOL. Questions like "How was your day?" are okay. But personal deets should be left in the closet until it's time. There needs to be reciprocity. And pay VERY close attention to what they are asking you, no matter how subtle these cues may be. A desi man won't give a hoot if he's fooled around with like a bajillion hundred women, but he'll immediately debunk you if he knows you've been with anyone else. The only exception is if THEY come forward with their story first, making sure that YOU don't mind their involvement with other girls either, previously that is.

I personally believe in full disclosure, err'thang out on the table. But just wait until it's the right time. If you care about this individual, nurture the relationship a little more before disclosing too much, too soon. And they'll understand if you've both got somewhat the same ideals; they'll listen and hear you out. And if not, sorry, you make your own decisions and sometimes people don't see eye to eye. Screen 'em out.

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* Uncle's wife's brother's daughter's neighbour's twice-removed cousin

** Thanks Zed for your valuable input. Why do you have so much wisdom about relationships, again? I'm telling Mom.