South Asian Aristocracy: The Social Genocide

Dear Readers,

I write today not to inform you of what you already know, but rather to express my self-acclaimed enlightenment in the form of a request. A plea. A cry. An epiphany! CATHARSIS! Call it whatever you want. Strongest apologies for this first-person narrative as I felt this may have been the best way to verbalize the subconscious clutter.

I find myself in the midst of a mental crossroad as of late. I awake to question your intention, your ideology, your pride and your distinct attitude towards your neighbour - specifically he whom you are not, and he who is not of you. Desi community and mentality seem as though will never progress in their lifetime - so as long as there is man, there will be war (figuratively, of course). Though one may not be the socialite, nor the outcast, how does one define their place in society - Pakistani society, to be more correct.

I may have a few answers for those who are curious - possibly not the best nor the most profound - but, I promise to royally offend you by the end of this piece or give you the support, nay, COURAGE, to speak up when you witness such crimes against humanity. Beginning this journey of superiority, allow me to turn back the clocks a couple years.

DISCLAIMER: The following heinous material is neither endorsed nor tolerated by the author. Forgive me, for I am just trying to make a point for those who seem to be frozen in the early post-Partition period (cca. 1940-1980).

Let me provide you with a quick example from what I have observed over these years as an obedient, developing member of Pakistani society,

Indians > Pakistanis > Bangladeshis

Would you agree? Of course you would not. Who could imagine someone living in this day an age could have such destructive thoughts and belief systems, right? Well, I have certainly been proven wrong! Pakistanis to THIS DAY still feel noble and superior to our Bangladeshi neighbours. Although we seem to have this strict hatred towards Indians, I am pretty sure the concept has only been confused with the better-defining Inferiority Complex. Pakistanis have been attempting to win hearts and respect for over half a century from the global leading nations. Why do we (shamefully admitting myself) Pakistanis feel we need to say or do things that will impress those of "higher" status or nobility? Did we NOT construct this country to abolish the Caste System or was that all for namesake and this pretentious identity?!

Let me paint a picture for you. I have been involved in somewhat of a personal assignment where speaking to such, hmm, CIVILIZED human beings has truly been the inspiration for this criticism. According to popular belief - this does not take much investigation, mind you - what separates the so-called Upper Social Class (UC) from the rest - Middle, Lower, Absolute Poverty - is the following:

• 
  
  Natural Family Disposition

If you come from a long line of royalty, business-, or land-owning family members, you're set. You will have your life delivered on a silver platter and no one to complain or point a finger at you. You are the elite, cream of the crop, king amongst mere men and women. You, my friend, are immortal.

• 
  
  Residential Area

Every individual resides somewhere, stating the obvious. But just because you are waking up, walking and talking amongst coffee-drinkers, brand whores, unnatural British-accented buffoons and their foreign cars does not give you the right to shun someone based on where they live.

• 
  
  Career/Job

This, I suppose makes the most sense - the lesser of the evils. It is natural to want to belong and/or mingle amongst those of your own profession and like-mindedness career-wise. You have much to discuss and much more in common. Again, allow this not to get to your head. Just because you are a doctor does not mean your fellow nurse is insignificant and not worthy of your time.

• 
  
  Education

My favourite. "Education" in its literal sense means nothing but, "Where are you studying and how much are you paying for your tuition?" Our forefathers (and current generations) have made the transition into North America or Europe to provide that education for their succeeders. And for that, I would like to personally thank you for thinking of us when you migrated. It is, in fact, quite noble to give up one's own hopes and dreams - a better tomorrow for your kids. However, UC Pakistanis seem to not care whether one's kids have an MBA or a basic Undergraduate Degree (a "BA Pass," per se). What matters is if you have attended a school abroad (such as Oxford, Harvard, McGill or other foreign universities). By default, you are granted bragging rights if you have attended such schools - regardless of having been successful without them.

• 
  
  Salary/Finances

Self-explanatory - and possibly ties all the above headings together. Money runs the UC's life, you see. You will refuse to attend events and occasions that are beneath you - events that do not include your aristrocratic partners, that do not allow you to dress up in the latest designer-wear or give you that opportunity to poke your hollow, rhinoplastic nose in the air and follow-up with phony compliments and air kisses.

- pause -

I'm beginning to lose focus as to why I initiated this rant.

What I was trying to convey was the fact that Pakistani society has become so unbelievably materialistic over time where we start to lose sight to what should actually matter in life: your faith, your compassion for all things living, your trust in the goodness of humanity as well as your bias-free outlook.

I sit here staring at my screen, feeling so sad for how some of us will never change our mindsets because we are constantly brain-washed. Forget media. The hatred, discrimination and ideologies passed on from generation-to-generation is what we need to target. While I live in Canada, a predominantly discrimination-free country and fight against racism, sexism and other -isms, it saddens me that Pakistani society will never really break out of its superior mindset.

I don't really have a concluding statement, but I'm sure I'll think one up eventually. Hmmm...

Love-Hate Relationship (Mostly Hate)

I'm sorry readers. This post is not about your everyday kind of relationship with a human being. This is about that SPECIAL bond with your average, everyday suck-the-life-out-of-you Telecommunications company.

I'll cut to the chase. Company X decided to cut my services this morning WITHOUT any form of notice. Okay, the fact that they had been harassing my cell from an anonymous number might have been a hint, but this is just ridiculous.

I know most of us get so engrossed in our busy lives that we barely stop to notice the little things. Sayyy something like an additional cell-phone on your bill for the past 3 years? Sayyy for the past 36 months? Sayyy $30/month for a STUPID device you don't use anymore? Yes, I am that idiot who blindly pays whatever gets sent into her lil electronic bill without second-guessing or even doubting the process behind it.

Anyways, I'll get to the more fun side of this. I have called a NUMBER of times in the past 3 years to take care of this matter. Each time getting directed to a new and improved moron who promises to pass me along to the next one. Thank you Jay-Z for your kicktastic track, but I'll pass for now.



This is the enlightening conversation I have had this afternoon, where I also sacrificed my lunch hour.


"Hi. I need to get rid of an extra phone on my account, for which I'm being charged."
"Oh. That gets taken care of in our Accounts & Cancellations Department. Is it okay if I put you on hold?"
"No. But go ahead"

*transferring*

"Hi. I need to get rid of an extra phone on my account, for which I'm being charged."
"It says here that you have spoken to us in 2007 and again in 2009. Why did you not call back to cancel?"
*amazed at her retardedly contradictory statement* "I assumed it was taken care of the first 2 times I called. Hence, the reason for me calling."

*awkward pause*

"Listen. You guys have been charging me for a phone I clearly do not use. Just credit my account and get rid of it."
"Oh. I'm sorry, I actually do not have the privilege to do so."

*grinding teeth, speaking slowly* "Well.. Can.. I.. Speak.. To.. Some.. One.. Who.. Does?"

"Right. That would be a manager. I can transfer you now. Do you mind if I put you on hold?"

"Mm hm."

*transferring*

*2 minutes*

*5 minutes*

"Okay, ma'am? They are currently not available. Can they call you back in 2-4 business hours?"

"How? You cut my phone"
"Ummm.. Home phone?"
"I won't be there. Don't even try calling my work. I won't be at my desk."
"Ummm.. So, like, can you call us back?"
"And do what? Stay in a loop for 20 minutes and speak to someone new and explain my situation again?"
"Can we leave you a voicemail?"
"You can't access my voicemail."
"You do not have voicemail?!"
"On what? My cell that you cut off this morning?"
"Can we leave a voicemail at your house number?"
"And then call your manager tomorrow? No. You need to take care of this today."
"Can we call your house?"
"I'M NOT THERE RIGHT NOW!"

*awkward pause*

"You know what. Send me to Accounts Receivable."
"They can't---"
"Just transfer me. Tell your whoever to call my cell directly."
"So---"
"So that means I am paying my amount right now and they can call me as long as you guys can restore my services. Does that make sense?"
"So they can call you at 613-xxx-xxxx?"
"NO! THAT'S THE ONE THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN CANCELED!"
"So the other one?"
*grinding teeth, looking for a reason to not shoot self in foot* "Yes."
"Okay. They will call you at this number in 2-4 business hours."
"Uh huh."
"I hope we have answered all your questions. We thank you for choosing Company X. Have a great day."

FML.

I don't even know why I'm censoring the name. Rogers Wireless, shame on you. Highly inefficient process you have.

eFaux Pas!

Ladies & Gentlemen,

I'd like to take a few moments and speak about the FAUX PAS of pre-dating "couples" - namely how a guy and a girl are introduced and how they choose to continue talking to each other BEFORE actually meeting in person.

Ever wonder why someone you may have been speaking to for 1-3 weeks straight suddenly goes MIA? Or rather, someone you had been intro'd to mysteriously disappears as soon as you discuss specifics or share deeper details? *alarm bells* FAUX PAS POLICE!

YOUUU have just demonstrated a great deal of what majority of women (and men) go through, given careless and improper communication approaches. And I salute you for it, as this blurb would be impossible without such feed from you all. Don't get me wrong... I heart you and I wish to pass along such wisdom (which I, too, will derive from personal experiences) to unsuspecting victims.

Here it is. What NOT to do when you are being blindly hooked up with someone - i.e. potential rishta(s):

NO FACEBOOK
People... No. No. No. No. No. No! Okay, maybe, yes. Here's the deal, if you're naturally very FB-wise, eSocially-aware and know how to manage your privacy and limitation settings to the utmost tee, by all means resort to this. But for a very large majority of hook-ups, this usually results in immense failure. Immense. HUGE. KATHEER ya3ni!

AND here's why: Your friends suck. They will do everything possible to defame your good name and ruin your reputation, so that no respectful employer will hire you and no decent human will want to befriend you.

Solution: CUSTOMIZE! Control what you want your potential to see. And this goes HEAVY for features like your Tagged Photos, Videos & Wall Posts. Not necessarily is EVERTYHING on your page PG-13, so show this person what you want them to see initially. We've all had that 8am Sunday wake-up call from "Cousin X" high-fiving you for that sweet hook-up from last night. There's way too many things wrong with that statement, but you get the jist of it. Point being, limit at first till they get to know you better, then slowly start opening up. Disclaimer: they're smart enough to know they're on limited.

NO MSN
Until you're legitimately a couple, please try and steer clear of the MSN's of the world. The last thing a man or woman wants to see is you logging on and not saying "Hello" or posting a flower emoticon in their window. Avoid this so you guys can actually focus on getting to know each other rather than go paranoid everytime you see the blue screen pop up in the bottom right of your screen. Relax, there's plenty of time to get to know him/her. Call them or e-mail them. Make sure your activity (or inactivity) is unstalkable. Brrrap.

NO BBm
Oh ye of the new generation! Unless you're up to seeing your relationship with "Prospect X" fail, it is strongly recommended that you NOT add each other on BBm till once again, you're actually a legit couple.

Here's why: We're all slaves to the blinking red LED and don't you dare deny it! It comes as no surprise that BBm is SUPER stalker-friendly. Oh, if you think I'm not waiting for that "D" to turn into an "R," you're wrong, my love. I will sit in my basement, in the dark, clasping my BlackBerry tightly with the expanded contacts' window and wait for my messages to be read. Why haven't you responded back to me yet..? What could I have possibly done to be ignored?! Is someone there?! Oh GOD, please answer meee!!!

Please understand why I don't recommend this. *pulls out her Bold, stares & waits for LED*

Cheese!
I cannot stress this enough! But for the love of GOD, make sure you know what each of you look like if you have absolutely ZERO idea (no in-person encounter ever before)! I'm sure you have been hooked up by your chacha ki biwi ke bhai ki beti ke pardhosi ke rishtedaar* - so kindly request this fellow matchmaker to be the middleman/woman and pre-exchange these photos PRIOR to you 2 connecting. Yeah yeah yeah... "Looks don't matter.. It's what's inside that counts.. If he/she likes your personality, they will fall in love with the person despite the looks" blah blah bakwaas. Fact of the matter is, NO! If 2 people do NOT know each other and have been either talking via e-mail or phone for some time, they've already envisioned each other according to what they talk about or what they sound like. And when you exchange photos AFTER this connection, you're going to be a lil shocked either way - so please... Photos upfront, they'll appreciate it, too. Plus, what's worse than thinking everything is going great and then realizing this vain and pathetic excuse of a human decides to cut contact now that they've put a face to a name? NEXT.

DISCRETION**
Be very careful in what you tell the person. If they are the ones asking all the questions, not cool. If they want all the information, not cool. If they deflect your questions, NOT COOL. If they dress like Govinda, DEFINITELY NOT COOL. Questions like "How was your day?" are okay. But personal deets should be left in the closet until it's time. There needs to be reciprocity. And pay VERY close attention to what they are asking you, no matter how subtle these cues may be. A desi man won't give a hoot if he's fooled around with like a bajillion hundred women, but he'll immediately debunk you if he knows you've been with anyone else. The only exception is if THEY come forward with their story first, making sure that YOU don't mind their involvement with other girls either, previously that is.

I personally believe in full disclosure, err'thang out on the table. But just wait until it's the right time. If you care about this individual, nurture the relationship a little more before disclosing too much, too soon. And they'll understand if you've both got somewhat the same ideals; they'll listen and hear you out. And if not, sorry, you make your own decisions and sometimes people don't see eye to eye. Screen 'em out.

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* Uncle's wife's brother's daughter's neighbour's twice-removed cousin

** Thanks Zed for your valuable input. Why do you have so much wisdom about relationships, again? I'm telling Mom.

My Desi Girl

It's occurred to me that, too often, women are unaware of what the protocol around situations should be. I'm not talking about any women... Specifically my DESI women who just don't GET it! Now my sistaz from different mistaz, don't get alarmed. You comprise a majority of 76.12%* of the ladies in North America who are absolutely confused as to HOW they should alter their behaviour given the specific setting in which they find themselves. So, I don't claim myself an expert** when it comes to issues pertaining to dating, rishtas, shopping nor do I assure you 100% success with my so-called advice. What I DO promise, however, is being able to relate to similar situations from personal experience and giving you a good indication as to what may or may not*** work - mostly what DOES NOT work****.

A good majority of my findings (I try and sound resourceful when I can) will reflect my background, being of Southasian descent with a bit of religious modesty. I can't remember the last time I opened up a Cosmo magazine and they had topics about my sex life (or lack thereof) that I could relate to directly. I hope you find what's to come useful and maybe you might have some critiquing for me - but I welcome you to read, as well as challenge some of my ideas.

Topics I anticipate:

- Rishta Do’s & Don’ts

- Khaana 101

- Vant to Friandship?

- eEtiquette

- Deodorant: use it

=> For my non-Desi readers, "Rishta" is the act of receiving and/or sending out marriage proposals (sometimes simultaneously). "Khaana" is Food.

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* Statistics are completely made up

** That's a lie, I am totally the resident expert

*** The author is not liable, nor does he/she guarantee the accuracy, completeness & currency of the information made available on this web-site or for any consequences that result from the use of this information. However, any successes, instant fame or legitimate humour that can be ridiculed publicly is to be accredited entirely to the author's awesomeness.

**** This is good, don't worry. In Psychology, I was taught the notion of the "falsifiable" theory, i.e. the last standing hypothesis wins after all the failed attempts.


N.B: This post dedicated to my long-time friend from Saudi who has so much to offer to me and whose role can be duplicated by no other. Thank you AKN.

Marhaba

Greetings!


This being my first post, I'm not quite sure what I should be talking about just yet. When it comes to this whole concept of eEtiquette [look forward to future posts discussing this btw], there's a whole culture behind what to say, how to say it and how solid you make that point. Let's hope I somewhat master that skill and entertain curious readers as well.


A quick intro as to who I am and why I'm here:


So... I was born and raised in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. To many people's surprise, my siblings and I attended Filipino School* for a decent period of time, where we not only improved our English - being of Pakistani** descent - but also picked up Tagalog & Arabic. Now for those of you who are not aware of the culture in Saudi, it's a whole lot different than many other Middle Eastern societies. Women do not drive, for one thing and you have these "Muttawas" who make sure the people are abiding by the basic Islamic society rules - no obscenity, women covered head-to-toe and etc.


My family comprises of Dad, Mom, older bro, me, younger sis, younger bro. Each of us have some form of unique and/or awkward flair when it comes to many aspects of life - education, lifestyle, attitude, career choice and the list goes on... Anyhow, we were all raised back "home" and a LOT of what we do/say now has to do with whatever was embedded in those younger developmental years. Be it good or bad.


Flashforward => Y2K comes around and the family makes a decision. We move to Canada! The migration happened when I was 13, which meant a whole new load of drama coming towards my parents - whether they liked it or not, unfortunately. We were able to adapt to Canadian society fairly easily (thanks to God!), in case you're wondering. Our schooling***, company we kept and the fact that we traveled a LOT in our time might have assisted - not might, DEFINITELY.

Flashforward => To sum it up, I attended Carleton University for my Undergrad in Psychology. You realize later on that unless you actually pick up some trade or a professional diploma, your Arts degree is practically useless unless you add some spaaahkle**** to it. So, low and behold, I picked up Human Resources as my career choice and I hope to thrive in it (iA). I'm 23 and anxious to know how someone with a ridiculous background as myself can own that diversity & experience, make something out of it and help others along the way (and/or whether it's for a few laughs, why not).


I'll leave you with that, which will help you better understand a lot of the perspective in my upcoming blags. Yes, I said blags.

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* International Philippine School in Jeddah

** My mother is Punjabi; my father is half Pakistani/Irani - and they decided not to teach us any other diverse languages asides Urdu and a failed attempt at Punjabi

*** Saudi Arabian International School [aka SAIS, NCS/SCS, AISJ]

**** Meesta Sparkle, Season 8 Episode 22, "In Marge We Trust" - The Simpsons